Anger management - Tips

Forgiveness is a very powerful tool. If you keep on holding on to your being right and how you want things to go, disappointment, judgments and anger will always be there.

When you make effort to forgive someone (also yourself) anger will give space to openness and a loving connection.

In stead of always going crazy about repeating situations, focus on finding a solution. Sometimes it is easy to always end up in the same angry cycle, because you're used to it while a solution is maybe easier then you think.

Don't repress your anger! It will only make you burn up inside. Just don't let it out in a way that it hurts somebody or yourself. Get out of the situation and find a way to release the energy.

You can do that in many different ways. For example by running around the block, jump up and down in the toilet or find a private room and hit a pillow.

When there is a situation that keeps triggering anger in you, it may help to take the time for an exercise called 'let your voice out'.

1. Find a private space where you will not be disturbed

2. Decide how long you want to do the exercise and don't stop before. Set an alarm to help you.

3. Start speaking your thoughts out loud. Doesn't matter how strange, rude or contradictory they are, just keep talking. Don't pause.

4. Be silent for a while and realize that your thoughts do not necessarily have to be true, even though they are true to you. Enjoy the free space that the release has given you.

Be as angry as you want, just remember to be the witness. Be aware that you are becoming angry - that anger is happening, that anger has come, that the anger has caught hold of you, that anger is being expressed. Don't forget this even for a moment. Don't create any identification with anger. At no point should you think that you are the anger; keep yorself distant from it."

When you have a hot temper, put energy in finding relaxation. There are many different relaxation techniques you could practice.

For example deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses. Whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

Visualize what you want.

Visualize how you want to be in certain situations, how you want to think, how you want to feel and how you want to act.

Think of a certain current situation where you often feel anxious. And visualize how you would want to feel. Imagine it vividly and try to really feel and experience it.

You are then practicing, in your mind and with your emotions, and you are preparing your body for this situation. You are creating new possibilities.

When the situation presents itself again in the future you have created a new framework, with which you feel differently, you think differently and you act differently.

When you often find yourself in angry communication that sometimes even leads to violence, use the time-out method.

With people you more often meet you can find a code word together. If one of you uses that code word, you agree to stop the communication completely until there is readiness again to continue without anger.